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Interalliance
This Common, Everyday Condiment May Be Deadly When Consumed Within an Artificial Environment Such as Aboard a Starship, Scientists Say [12 September 2326] (DNA)
AEU
Our Armchair Analysts Rate Tonight's Alien Invasion "Five Yikes Out of Yikes" [21 August 2326] (VET)
EAOS
What Is Hyperdimensional Fatigue and What Does It Mean for Your Cupcakes? Alton Ramsay's Got the Theory! [18 September 2326] (ESR)
Fringe
Team of Field Researchers on Tikal Believe They Have Found Galaxy's Most Fucked-Up Dog [20 September 2326] (UPN)
League
Area Man Eats Plain Instant Ramen for Sixty Years, Saving Up Every Flavor Packet For One Explosively Delicious Bowl of Ramen to be Enjoyed Upon His Retirement [12 September 2326] (ENN)
Mutuality
Ninth Fleet Member Singlehandedly Reimburses Shearwater Unions for Gala Disruption, Funds Over Twenty Trade Cycles of Infinite Buffet [25 August 2326] (DFP)
Economy
Entrepeneur Invents Self-Milking Cereal [18 September 2326] (DNA)
Sports
Olympic Team Competitive Knife-Dropping All-Star Mark Mark-Thompson on Recent Career-Ending Foot Injury via Dropped Knife: "I Never Thought It Could Happen To Me" [19 August 2326] (EFX)
Entertainment
Jazz Pianist Jedward T. Hands Accidentally Activates Piano's Ejection Lever During Performance at Frederick P. Rose Hall, Punching Through Five Floors Before Coming to Rest Within ISN Studio During Live Broadcast; Injuries Mild [ 7 June 2326] (LCR)
Tabloid
Try the New Penis Enlargement Surgery that Involves Popcorn Kernels and Lingering in a Sauna for 2 1/2 to 3 Minutes [ 5 September 2326] (TBX)
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